At the Threshold

In the gentle space between doing and being, I’m remembering my own rhythm. Perhaps you are too.

As we enter a new month, I’m asking: how do I want to show up today, this week, this year?

I don’t mean the polished version. I mean the real me, the one my body knows when I’m quiet, and I’m not talking about a quick recharge so I can do more of the same. I’m talking about a kind, courageous recoding which means pausing long enough to choose how I think, feel and act, rather than running my old programmes on autopilot.

A conversation with myself (borrow freely)

• What pattern am I repeating?

• What story am I telling myself?

• What’s the impact of that story on how I feel and how I show up?

• What would I love to think instead?

• How do I want to feel as I move through today?

• What’s one boundary or behaviour that honours that feeling?

Every conscious choice gently resets our level of being. It changes the way we walk into a room, answer an email, set a boundary, say yes or no. It’s beautifully ordinary and quietly radical.

Why change feels hard

If change were as simple as just deciding and doing it, we’d all be transformed. The reality is that change can be uncomfortable, and there are good reasons for that:

1. The nervous system prioritises safety.
   Familiarity often feels safe, even unhelpful patterns can seem soothing simply because they’re known. When we step into something new, the body senses danger and views the unknown as unsafe.

2. The brain is efficient.
   It automates thoughts and behaviours into loops to save energy. Interrupting these loops requires extra attention and energy, increasing resistance.

3. Identity protects.
   Parts of us are loyal to who we’ve been and to the roles others expect of us, so shifting our mindset can stir fears of losing our old selves and disappointing others. It’s tender work to recode to who we want to be.

4. There’s grief in growth.
   Choosing the new means releasing the old, a habit, role, rhythm, outdated story, or image of ourselves. This can stir feelings of loss and grief.

It’shelpful to be gentle and kind with the discomfort, take it slowly, and allow your system to meet its own edge with tenderness.

A personal threshold

I often find myself standing outside my own front door, hand on the handle, negotiating with myself. How do I want to walk in, relaxed and present, not tense, rushed, or depleted?

This pause lets me choose how to feel and act before opening the door. Sometimes the choice is simple. Other times, I struggle to let go and embrace a new way. But when I do, I feel more peaceful and happier.

Naming the landscape

But there is a phase I must journey through, the liminal, or in-between, space. This is the time after something has ended but before the next thing has begun. In this space,we’re no longer who we were, and not yet who we’re becoming. It can feel unsettling and unpleasant because we have released one identity or way of being, but haven’t yet arrived at the next.

But once we move through this space and land, our vision becomes voice, purpose takes form, passion awakens, and clarity arrives. It is here we practise this new way of being inside our everyday life, the school run, team meetings, the late-afternoon dip; it is here that we get to live by conscious choice.

The compassionate steps of a recode

Here’s a simple framework I use at work and in life.

Notice — Name — Choose

1. Notice what’s here.

   Where in my body do I feel tight/tense/tender? What thought keeps looping? What am I avoiding? What is going on for me in this moment?

2. Name it honestly.

   I notice I’m anxious, rushing, people-pleasing, confused, blaming, or stressed. Once I name it, I become the observer. I’m no longer in the swirl but looking at it, and that space lets me choose a different response.

3. Choose one thing:

   Change a thought, feeling, behaviour, or boundary. This is recording in real time.

Micro-choices across a day (one choice, many ripples)

Change lasts when woven into lived moments. Try these:

• Before the inbox: take a deep breath, open your device, and ask, "What matters most today?"

• Between meetings: Take a pause, shoulders back and relaxed, palms open. Ask, "what energy do I choose to bring?"

• After a tough conversation: Step outside. Feel the earth under your feet and exhale slowly. Ask, "What do I need in this moment to return to myself?"

• As you return home, pause and set your intention for how you will enter. What energy will you bring across your own threshold?

• Bedtime: Name three choices you made that you are happy with, acknowledge them and give thanks.

A tiny ritual for this week

1. Start your day by purposefully pausing before reaching for your device, social media, or emails.

2. Breathe deeply and slowly, connect with your body, soften your shoulders, and notice how you feel.

3. Choose your way of being. Pick one thought, one feeling, or one action that honours who you’re becoming.

4. Act from that choice with kindness and compassion.

Instead of trying to overhaul everything, commit to one conscious choice at a time. Each moment offers a new opportunity to decide how to show up for yourself and others, one intentional step at a time can lead to profound change.

Be your inspiration.